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Post by conductorx on May 26, 2010 3:57:03 GMT -8
I hope this one wasn't posted already.
A retired gynecologist decides the time is right to fulfill his life long dream of learning auto mechanics. He enrolls at the community college and does exceptionally well. As the final approaches he becomes more and more anxious, fearing that he will perform poorly on the exam. The day of the exam comes and all of the other students finish in one-third of the time allotted. The retired gynecologist uses all of the time allowed. He has a very anxious night wondering how he did. The following day he receives his grade from the instructor. Much to his surprise he has scored 150 out of a possible 100. When he inquires of the instructor how this was possible. the instructor replies " I gave you 50 points for correctly dismantling the engine, 50 points for correctly reassembling the engine, and 50 bonus points for doing it through the muffler"
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Post by mannequinman on May 26, 2010 4:41:00 GMT -8
Muahahahahahahahahahaha !!!!
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Post by FRK on Jun 24, 2011 13:04:49 GMT -8
Police STOP at 1 AM An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."  |
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Post by mannequinman on Jun 28, 2011 11:20:57 GMT -8
A couple is laying in bed when the wife says,"I'm gonna make YOU the happiest man on earth!"
To which the man replies.. "I'm sure gonna miss you ! "
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Post by FRK on Jun 28, 2011 19:54:44 GMT -8
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
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Post by bigfatdaddy on Jul 14, 2011 14:16:47 GMT -8
ME   |
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Post by FRK on Sept 22, 2011 7:45:29 GMT -8
A father's note from his son.
A father passing by his son's bedroom was
Astonished to see that his bed was nicely made
And everything was picked up. Then he saw
An envelope, prominently propped on the
Pillow, that was addressed,
"To Dad."
With the worst premonition
He opened the envelope
With trembling hands and read the
Letter.
"Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and
Sorrow that I'm writing you. I have had to elope with
My new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a
Scene with Mom and you. (I know you'll
Find a way to break all this to her gently.)
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and
She is so nice. She has taught me much more
Than you can begin to imagine.
But I know you would not
Approve of her because of all her piercings, and
Tattoos, and tight motorcycle clothes and the fact
That she is much older than I am.
But it' s not only the passion...
Dad… she's pregnant and I'm sure I'm responsible.
Stacy says that we will
Be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods
And has a stack of firewood for the
Whole winter. We share a dream of having
Many more kids.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that
Marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves
And trading it with the other people
That live nearby, for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will
Pray that science will find a cure for AIDS,
So Stacy can get better.
She deserves it.
Please don't worry Dad. I'm 15, now, and I
Know how to take care of myself.
I'm sure that we
Will be back to visit, someday, so that you
Can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son,
John
P.S.
Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Tommy's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse
Things in life than the Report Card that's in
My center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home
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Post by FRK on Oct 19, 2011 8:20:06 GMT -8
Health & Safety Test I failed a Health and Safety course at work today. One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "Fucken' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
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Post by FRK on Mar 9, 2012 8:43:24 GMT -8
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.
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Post by FRK on Apr 13, 2012 22:32:57 GMT -8
GOD'S SENSE OF HUMOR
While creating wives, God promised men that
obedient wives would be found in all corners
of the earth.
And then He made the earth round.
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Post by FRK on Jun 18, 2012 20:45:22 GMT -8
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